I still consider the JoC to be the ultimate authority on all things foody. And yet, the discrepancies between different versions of recipes for seemingly straightforward and indisputable dishes, such as pancakes, or Potato Gratin (Doram Gont's version, people. Israeli lovers of potatoes-and-cream, just get yourself his cookbook. The man knows what he is doing.), never ceases to amaze me. The real consternation, though, arises from the realization that JoC's recipes aren't always the most foolproof. I've tried their challah, it was not bad in any way, but SK's version calls for fewer eggs (2 per loaf, I think that's what makes it tastier) and is in no way benefited from the use of the stand mixer. Speaking of which, I think it's giving me some weighty buyer's remorse. I mean, I hardly use it anymore. Alas, DH is not a fan of cheesecakes, the preparation of which normally require some heavy beating facilitated by the mixer's presence, and I have yet to prepare meringue for any sort of occasion. However (I am tangent-ing out of control here, please bear with me) this cheesecake (and my adaptation) was quite successfully received by DH (YES, THERE ARE LEFTOVERS, JUST COME ON OVER) and offers a nice cinnamony twist on the creamy variant. Plus, the crust was based on a homemade graham cracker dough I might have mentioned here once already. Molasses-buttery goodness, indeed, but it was so hard to handle that it ultimately yielded these cute cookie-leaves - cutting the leftover dough in a clean line was impossible, but it really has a verisimilitude affect of rugged-edged leaves, don't you think? I, in any case, was pleased.
Sorry, back to the disappointments:
I don't remember if I used the mixer for JoC's challah, though I probably did because I thought it was cool back then. Other bread recipes have disappointed in the past, perhaps owing to mixer involvement (hmmm… it was Doram Gont's bagels that I ultimately graded "not so great and totally not worth the trouble".) Anyway, the "best" challah is quickly and easily assembled in a bowl, using a wooden spoon, and makes a smooth, fragrant, warm dough that is easily kneaded. The first time I made this, I forgot to add the additional sugar, and ended up kneading in half of the required amount into a done dough, one that was already supposed to be resting. I was worried a bit, but no harm was done to the dough, and the result was just the right degree of sweetness. Conclusion: better than store bought (and I mean the kind you can find in Israel…) but at the same time, as "professional", slightly-industrial in a good way, boutique-bakery kind of, taste! Winning Challah recipe added to the Wall of StickIt Fame above our stovetop, and shall heretofore be baked by yours truly every Rosh HaShana and other mundane occasions. Though for the Rosh HaShana ones, I really should figure out the six-strand braiding technique. I should have practiced beforehand on some string or something, like my dad would probably have done.
Other seeming-disappointments that - because this post is chronologically going backwards - will end with world-shattering full-fledged devastation: this No Knead Bread seemed perfect, and I set out to baking it right after my mother and I found an enameled-coated cast iron grill pan in pristine condition at a thrift store. Sure, it's not meant to be used as a pizza stone, but what could possibly happen to it, right? Well, it is still fine, though the enamel seems a bit chipped and nothing but RUST could possibly be seeping out. Which is exactly what the whole enamel coating thingy was supposed to prevent. And the reason we bought it. Because my mother, who has been there done that regarding every possible cooking skill there is, admonished us not to get a cast iron skillet, IT WILL RUST ON YOU NO MATTER WHAT, kinderlach. Well, my mother's wrath-prophecies tend to come true even more cynically then she could ever imagine. I think now I might give a regular cast iron skillet a try.
But that's not the point here. Second time around (remember, this post is going backwards), I used the enameled-pan upside down as a stone, and put a water-filled aluminum pan at the bottom of the oven. The bread rises nicely and has a crunchy crust, granted. But I found it severely unpleasantly salty. This was after halving the recipe for the second time - this time adding the right amount of yeast and salt. Maybe it's the Curse of the Halves, I don't know. From obvious lack of salt to thirstening saltiness, and all around a too-mooshy dough - could all this have been avoided using the whole recipe (or, for that matter, actually waiting till it cools to slice it? I'm not good with timing my bread baking to my hunger…)? I don't know and never will, because I won't try this again. Why the presence of my aluminum pan did not occur to me for more than 2 seconds in a row when I was first pondering baking this bread, wondering which pan I will use to pour hot water on after it spends 20 minutes in a HOT heated oven, oh no, my non stick cookie sheets won't do, they're much too fragile. I eventually used this, a marvelous pie pan found in the same pristine condition in the aforementioned thrift-hunt conducted with my mom. I swear, every time DH mentioned my round aluminum pan - the one I had already scratched cutting out slices of cake from, because it is obviously not intended for anything but cakes that are to be plopped upside down right out of the pan and slathered with frosting or some other all-American atrocity (reason for my buying it: undetermined; most probably: lack of premeditation and sufficient research). It still works though - every time DH mentioned it, because he, unfortunately for him, partakes in my baking incertitudes and consequent brainstorming, I blinked and said: "what aluminum pan? oh, that one, yeah". So no. I did not use pre-mutilated and apparently durable aluminum pan. But rather beautiful, marvelous, vintage-looking green-brown pie pan. Insert tragic exclamation of your choice. (Do you see where this is heading?)
So, the first time around, I followed instructions. Pretty-hot water was poured on steaming-hot ceramic pan. Bread was extracted from the oven, and enjoyed though slightly undersatled, and despite suspicion that it was too sticky to be true (only later did I figure out my measurements were all wrong. By then I was kicking a corpse. The corpse was my career as a bread baker. Or just plain me). Crust was drooled over. "Best bread you've baked" was professed. (Wrong! Woe!) I reasonably waited for the oven to cool, before retrieving the pan. Now, there was no more water in it anymore. It was parched. Ha, look, the water left these interesting traces where it was evaporated. Wait. What the...? These aren't traces. (Gulp). (Gasp). Traces are cracks.
NO!!!!! I am a pile of tears and frustration on the floor. HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?!?! In other words: WOE. IT BROKE.
My mother is shaking her head right now. How could her offspring be so devoid of brains. Typically Lou, she is saying to herself: be neurotically indecisive about something, get a household or two involved, and then make the WRONG choice. Add to that a sort of uber-sentimentalism I had already developed over this mother-picked pan, as over all items purchased or events enjoyed in her visit, and you might understand how there were two thousand deprecating voices ringing in my ears, shaking their heads at me in disdain and disbelief.
So yeah. It took me at least a month to post about this, partly because I just did not want my mom to find out. (How lame is that?) Also, this particular incident was part of my pretty bad streak of life, when I was not posting. So now I consider myself finally purged.
P.S.
This is not a food-blog. Notably because I don't have to apologize for "my need to over-share" as JB nicely put it. So, remember that procrastination video I posted? (By the way, if you did not find it at least remotely hilarious, please refrain from reading this blog, ok? You and I will never have a real understanding between us. It's nothing personal against you. It's just well, me. How I live). And how I "get my stuff done", which was awarded expression of the week and has been used ever since. So will someone please explain to me how it is that I have spent 6 hours in the library today, and have accomplished the following: wrote some emails (it takes me a languishingly long time to write emails. Especially to professors, officials, or people that may be ever so slightly cooler than me, so, obviously, they spend their whole day dissecting my choice of virtual words. Which means: it takes me forever to write emails), had a sandwich and an apple, got up for some tea, tried to figure out my future health insurance student-coverage, with the appropriate email-writing ensuing, had a short skype-conversation with mom, and wrote this monstrous post. And I haven't even uploaded the photos that I will eventually link to. In other words, some days this blog is my "stuff" and I just have to get it done. Which makes me think that when grad school starts I shall be a-bloggin' no more. I should probably start worrying about that now, though, just in case.
P.P.S.
"Under My Thumb", one of the funnest songs ever, you must agree. But I've just realized what the words are. Somewhat unpleasant…. do you still enjoy great songs whose lyrics are really harsh and/or demeaning? Am I overinterpreting this?
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